FIRST THEME TO BE DISCUSSED

Well, this is something of an unexpected burden to be placed on one's shoulders at this hour . . . on the eve of Easter . . . I was relaxing after a refreshing colonic, following with baited breath our navy's pursuit of pirates on Googles . . .

First of all, I'm going to have to insist on giving proper credit for source material. That screed you read was, of course, cribbed from the movie, "Network", which was written by the wonderful, two-time Oscar winner, Paddy Chaefsky. (Parenthetically, I'm sure some of you remember that the movie, "Rocky", in competition with "Network", won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1976, and commentators at the time were quick to point out the irony that Chaefsky had previously won an Oscar for "Marty", which was a simple "Rockyesque" story, as opposed to his verbose "Network".)

Secondly, since I have been granted this platform, let me urge all of you to get involved and attend one of the Tea Party Tax Revolution Parties scheduled in your area. I am enclosing this helpful link: http://www.teapartyrevolution.com/default.aspx. Fate has brought forth for us a true patriot, one Glenn Beck, who by my lights is comparable to a John Adams or a Thomas Jefferson, although perhaps without the intellect, character or writing ability, and, arguably, more compromised by a direct financial interest.

Thirdly, at present, I will choose to ignore the patent absurdity that a reading club is somehow more "elevated" than a fantasy football league or an NCAA bracket pool.

Having said that, I'm sure that many of you are confident of the first theme that I will head straight for with laser-like focus . . . that's right, I imagine you're thinking I'm going for that hoary old chestnut, compare and contrast the themes of alienation and religion as found in Nietzche's "Thus Spake Zarathustra" and Kafka's "The Penal Colony" . . . but instead, I'll throw a bit of a curveball . . . I'll make it easy for the Generation Y Millenials . . . used to getting all their information off the Googles . . . make it cross media . . . to whit:

"Which fictional character has a higher probability of being the commissioner of his own private fantasy football league by the age of fifty: Napoleon Dynamite or Holden Caufield?"